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Quotes Can't Hardly Wait Kenny:"Yo I GOTTA have sex tonight" Kenny:"It says here 92% of honeys at UCLA are sexually active. 92%, yo! You know what that means, don't you? 92% of women in L.A. walkin around goin, 'Class, or sex? What shall I do?'" Kenny's friend:"What's that? Oooh our boy's a fag!" Kenny's friend #2:"Who's a fag?" Kenny:"Ya'll are fags! This is a Fragrance of Love scented candle!" Kenny:"I roll up on that shorty like 'What's up' and she says 'You don't know 20 different ways to make me call ya big poppa', cuz I don't, yo." Yearbook Girl:"Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook!" Kenny:"No thanks, no time." Kenny:"It's finally time for Kenny Fisher to become, 'Da Man.' Now I've done my laps. All ten finalists are present and accounted for. Ten lovely ladies,yo! Each one at my disposal. Ten willing and able tour guides into the theme park of loove. But who will it be? Which of you gorgeous ten will be,The Lucky One?" Kenny: "Just waitin for those two hoes over there scratchin out over who gets ta knock the boots with me, you know what I'm sayin.." Kenny's Friend: "What hoes?" Kenny's Friend 2: "I don't see no hoes, Kenny." Kenny: "What, you callin me a liar? Why you gotta waste my flava, damn!" Kenny:"I was reminiscing today, right? I was thinking about that time in 7th grade when we was all playing Spin the Bottle at Lynn Eckert's house, you remember that?" Ashley:"I guess." Kenny:"Yeah. And you and me, we never did get that kiss. I had this madd flashback that you were staring at me, all night, kinda giggling with your girlfriends, you remember that?" Ashley:"Oh! Oh oh I do remember that! You were eating Cheetos! And that orange stuff was all stuck in your braces, and nobody wanted to tell you! Aww.. so you just kept on eatin 'em! Oh my God! Lynn and I thought that was the funniest thing!! LYNN!!! Come over here. Remember that little kid that we used to call Chester Cheetah?" Kenny:"Yo I must have died and gone to heaven because I see an angel sittin right in front of me. Are you crying? Oh no baby please. You are far too fine to look SO sad." Kenny:"You don't even know me anymore." Denise:"Yes I do. I know exactly who you are. You're Kenny who used to play... we used to play Miami Vice in my basement. You used to sleep over at my house, and you had to leave the hall light on every night. You're Kenny Fisher who used to buy me a card every Valentine's Day and a bag of those little hearts with the words on them. You're Kenny Fisher who suddenly got too cool to hang out with me when we hit junior high. 'Cause I was in all the smart classes, and 'cause my parents didn't make a lot of money, and because you desperately needed to sit at the trendy table in the cafeteria." Kenny:"Woman this is all your fault! Barging here like a freaking moose, all OHHHHAHOOHAHA" Denise:"Yeah well if I'd known you were gonna be in here, half-naked, pleasuring yourself, I would have gone elsewhere." Kenny:"I mean, if it had been on your mind the last six years, you might have mentioned something." Denise:"When, when you were ignoring me in the halls? When you were writing 'Denise Fleming is a tampon' on my locker Freshman year?" Kenny:"I did not write Denise Fleming is a.... tampon." Denise:"Yeah, just like you didn't destroy my Cabbage Patch Kid in second grade." Kenny:"Second grade! Besides, I admitted that, right away." Denise:"No you didn't! When I picked her up and her head fell off, you started to cry. Kind of tipped me off." Kenny:"I didn't cry!... much. Fine, I told Jon Kieserman to write 'Denise Fleming is a tampon', I swear I felt really bad afterward." Denise:"It's all right, I told Diana Yellin that you were a dendrophiliac." Kenny:"What is that?" Denise:"It's someone who has sex with trees." Denise:"Yeah if you need to fit a family of five in your pants." Kenny:"Shut up, these are cool!" Denise:"Okay, but the goggles!" Kenny:"Everybody's wearing these. Okay, okay my turn. Those shoes! Do they serve an orthopedic function?" Denise:"No.... fine... what about your shoes?" Kenny:"What about my shoes??" Denise:"Well, is there a mission to the moon later?" Kenny: "Damn woman! Why you gotta be such a ragin bitch!?!" Kenny: "Watch me g!" Kenny: "I figure all the Bitches in the class gonna be at this party ya know, I gotta give 'em all an equal opportunity at their special K yo!" Kenny: "time is hunnys" Oz Quotes From Buffy the Vampire Slayer   DEVON: "What does a girl have to do to impress you?" OZ: "Well, it involves a feather boa and the theme to A Summer Place. I can't discuss it here." Oz: "You're just impressed by any girl that can walk and talk." Devon: "She doesn't have to talk." OZ: "Not her...[insert look of awe here...] the ESKIMO!" Halloween CORDELIA: "Is Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer, I'm-so-great, I-don't-have-to-show-up-for-my-date-or-even-call gonna be there? OZ: "Yeah, you know, he's just going by 'Devon' now. CORDELIA: "Well, you can tell him that I don't care, and that i didn't even mention it, and that I didn't even see you. So that's just fine." OZ: "So...what do I tell him?" CORDELIA: "Nothing! Jeez, get with the program!" OZ: "Why can't I meet a nice girl like THAT?" Oz: Who IS that girl? What's my line? Pt 1 Oz: Canape'? BUFFY: "Try it!" (as she slams the poor boy up against the wall...) OZ: "Try what?" BUFFY: "I'm sorry..." OZ: "Still not clear what I'm supposed to try..." BUFFY: "Nothing. God..I'm..sorry." (as she walks away) OZ: "There's a tense person." What's my line? Pt 2 WILLOW: "Hey. Your hair. Is brown." OZ: "Uh, yeah. Sometimes. So, uh, did you decide? Are you gonna be a corporate computer suit guy? Willow: Oh. Uh, well, I-I think I'm gonna finish high school first. What about you? OZ: "I'm not really a computer person, ya know. Or a work of any kind person." WILLOW: "Then, uh, why'd they select you?" OZ: "Well, I sorta test well, ya know, which is cool. Except when it leads to jobs." Willow: "Well don't you have some ambitions?" Oz: "Oh yeah. E flat diminished ninth." Willow: "Huh?" OZ: "Well, the E flat,...it's do-able. But it's-it's that diminished ninth, you know. That's a man's chord and you could lose a finger." BUFFY: "Are you OK?" OZ: "Oh, yeah. I'm shot, ya know? I mean, wow. It's odd. And painful." Willow: "You know, I never really thanked you." Oz: "Ooh, no, please don't. I don't do thanks. I get all red, have to bail. It's not pretty." Willow: "Well then, forget...that thing...especially with...the part where...I kind of...owe you my life." OZ: "Oh, hey! [offers the bag] Animal Cracker?" WILLOW: [smiles] "No, thank you. So how's your arm?" OZ: "Suddenly painless." WILLOW: "You can still play the guitar OK?" OZ: "Well, not well. But, I mean, not worse." WILLOW: "You know, I never really thanked you." OZ: "Oh, no. Please don't. I don't do 'thanks'. I get all red. Have to bail. It's not pretty." Willow: "Well then, forget...that thing...especially with...the part where...I kind of...owe you my life." OZ: "Oh, look, monkey! And he has a little hat and little pants." WILLOW: "Yeah. I-I-I see." OZ: "The monkey is the only cookie animal who gets to wear clothes, you know that? You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen... So, I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going 'Hey man! Where are _my_ pants? I have my hippo dignity!'. And, you know, the monkey's just 'I mock you with my monkey pants!'. WILLOW: (laughs) OZ: "And then there's a big coup at the zoo." WILLOW: "The monkey is French?" OZ: "All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?" Willow: "No." Surprises WILLOW: "Do you guys, uh, have a gig tonight?" OZ: "Oh, no, practice. See, our band's kind of moving towards this new sound where...we suck, so...practice." WILLOW: "I bet you have lots of groupies." OZ: "It happens. I'm living groupie free nowadays. I'm clean." WILLOW: "Oh." OZ: "I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night, and I'm kinda nervous about it actually. It's interesting." WILLOW: "Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say 'yes'." OZ: "Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?" WILLOW: "Oh! I can't!" OZ: "Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable." Willow: "Well, you could be m...my date." Oz: "Alright, I'm in." Willow: "I said 'date'." CORDELIA: "Surprise!" OZ: "That pretty much sums it up." OZ: "Hey, did everybody see that guy turn to dust?" WILLOW: "Oh. Well, uh, sort of..." XANDER: "Yup. Vampires are real. 'Lot of them live in Sunnydale. Willow will fill you in." WILLOW: "I know it's hard to accept at first." OZ: "Actually, it explains alot!" WILLOW: "What was that?" OZ: "It looked like an arm." Innocence OZ: "So, you guys steal weapons from the Army alot?" WILLOW: "Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun." WILLOW: "Do you wanna make out with me?" OZ: "What?!" WILLOW: "Forget it. I'm sorry. Well, do you?" OZ: "Sometimes, when I'm sitting in class--you know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen--I think about kissing you. And, it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like...freeze frame. Willow kissage. (pauses) Oh, I'm not gonna kiss you." WILLOW: "What? But...freeze frame!" Oz: "Oh, I'm not gonna' kiss you." Willow: "What? But...freeze frame!" OZ: "Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make your friend Xander jealous, or even the score...or something. And that's on the empty side. See, in my fantasy, when I'm kissing you, you're kissing me. It's ok, I can wait." Oz: "Uh...arm." Phases WILLOW: "Hi." OZ: "Oh, that's what I was gonna say." WILLOW: "What are you looking at?" OZ: "This cheerleading trophy. It's like its eyes follow you wherever you go. I like it." Willow: "So did you like the movie last night?" Oz: "I don't know. Today-today's movies are kinda' like popcorn. You know, you forgot about 'em as soon as they're done. I do remember I liked the popcorn, though." Willow: "Yeah, it was good. And I had a really fun time with the rest. I mean, the part with you." Oz: "Oh, that's great! My time was also...of the good." Willow: "Mine too!" Willow: "Oh, there...I have...my friend...so I will...go to her." LARRY: "Oz, man, I would love to get some of that Buffy 'n Willow action, if you know what I mean." OZ: "That's great, Larry, you've really mastered the single entendre." LARRY: "Oh, let me guess, that little innocent schoolgirl thing just, uh, an act, right?" OZ: "Yeah, yeah, she's actually an evil mastermind. It's fun." Giles: "Several animal carcasses were found mutilated." Willow: "You mean like bunnies and stuff? No, don't tell me." Oz: "Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves." Willow: "Yeah." LARRY: "Oh, last week, some huge dog jumped out of the bushes and bit me. Thirty-nine stiches. They ouughta shoot them strays." OZ: "I've been there, man. My cousin Jordy just got his grown-up tooth in. Does not like to be tickled." ." Willow: "I had this whole thing worked out, and I have it written down, uh, but then it didn't make any sense when I was reading it back." Willow: "Buffy told me that sometimes what a girl makes has to be the first move and now that I'm saying this I'm starting to think that the written version sounded pretty good but, you know what I mean!" Oz: "I'm going through some...changes." Willow: "Well, welcome to the world! Things happen. Don't you think I'm going through a lot?" Oz: "Not like me." Willow: "Oh what, so now you're special? You're Special Boy, with...chains and stuff. Why do you have...chains and stuff?" Oz: "I spoke to Giles. He said I'll be okay, I just have to lock myself up around the full moon. Only he used more words than that...and a globe." Willow: "I'm sorry about how all of this ended up, with me shooting you nd all." Oz: "It's okay, I'm-I'm sorry I almost ate you." Willow: "It's okay." Oz: "I mean, it's not every day you find out you're...a werewolf. That's fairly freaksome." Oz: "So, maybe it'd be best if I just...sorta'..." Willow: "What?" Oz: "Well, you know, like, stayed out of your way for a while." Willow: "I don't know, I'm kind of okay with you being in my way." Willow: "Well, I like you. You're nice, and you're funny, and you don't smoke. Yeah okay, werewolf, but...that's not all the time. I mean,three days out of the month, I'm not much fun to be around either." Oz: "You are quite the human." Willow: "So, I'd still, if...you'd still." Oz: "I'd still? I'd very still!" Willow: "Okay. No biting, though." Oz: "Agreed." Oz: "A werewolf in love." Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered OZ: *punches Xander* "That kinda hurt." XANDER: "'Kinda?!?' What was that for?" OZ: "I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about you. Now, I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to hit you." OZ: (to the Buffy rat) "Here Buffy..." BUFFY: "I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here." OZ: "But you're not a rat...so call it an upside." Becoming, pt 1 WILLOW: "You're going to pass everything. I'm going to get you through this semester if I have to sweat blood." XANDER: "Do you think you're likely to? 'Cause I'd like to be elsewhere." WILLOW: "It was only metaphor blood." OZ: "I think you'd sweat cute blood." Becoming, pt 1 and 2 OZ: "I thought it was riveting...I was a little unclear on some of the themes." OZ: "Hey baby. How are you feelin'?" WILLOW: "My head feels big. Is it big?" OZ: "No, it's head-sized." OZ: "Okay, I pretty much missed out on some stuff, didn't I? Cause this is all making the kind of sense that's...not." OZ:"Did I mention that I didn't take Latin?" OZ: "But, we know the world didn't end 'cause...check it out. Season 3 Anne XANDER: "'Come and get it, big boy'?" WILLOW: "Well, well, the Slayer always says a pun or, or a witty play on words. And I think it throws the vampires off and it, and it makes them frightened because I'm wisecracking. Okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but you try it every time." OZ: "Uh, if I may suggest: 'This time it's personal.' I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic." Oz: "That really never works." Xander: "First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen?" Oz: "Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team?" Xander: "That's right, he was. Cheater!" Xander: "'Come and get it, big boy'?" Willow: "Well, well, the Slayer always says a pun or, or a witty play on words. And I think it throws the vampires off and it, and it makes them frightened because I'm wisecracking. Okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but you try it every time." Oz: "Uh, if I may suggest: 'This time it's personal.' I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic." Willow: "Do you think Buffy knows school's starting tomorrow?" Oz: "Tomorrow. Right. Big day." Willow: "Oh, I'm gonna' be busy a lot, but, but only till three, and that's when you usually get up." Oz: "Well, it's sort of a funny story. You remember when I didn't graduate?" Willow: "Well, I know you had a lot of incompletes, but that's what summer school was for." Oz: "Yeah, well you remember when I didn't go?" Willow: "But you never said anything. How am I supposed to react to this rather alarming news?" Oz: "Well, actually, I was pretty much banking on you finding it cute." Willow: "Traditionally, you know, repeating a grade isn't exactly a turn-on. And, and you're practically a genius. You're Mr. Test Scores. It's all a little weird." Oz: "So the cute thing is out." Willow: "I'm trying to get to 'cute', really, but I'm still sort of stuck on 'strange'." Oz: "Well, I'd be willing to bargain down to 'eccentric' with an option on 'cool'." OZ: "I don't know, I think we're kinda' getting a rhythm down." XANDER: "We're losing half the vamps." OZ: "Yeah, but, rhythmically." Dead Man's Party Oz: "Hey, so you're not wanted for murder anymore." Buffy: "Good. That was such a drag." Willow: "We dusted nine out of ten." Oz: (whispers) "Six out of ten." Willow: "Six out of ten." OZ: "Looks dead, smells dead, yet it's moving around. That's interesting." OZ: "Well I like it. I think you should call it Patches." OZ: "We have to figure out what kind of deal this is. I mean, it is a gathering, shindig, or hootenanny?" WILLOW: "What's the difference?" OZ: "A gathering is bri, mellow song stylings. Shindig- dip, less mellow song stylings with perhaps a large amount of malt beverage. And hootenanny- well, it's chock full of hoot and just a little bit of nanny." OZ: "Yeah, I think I can splash some dingo action." Oz: "Okay, I'm gonna step in now, being referee-guy." Willow: "No, let them go, Oz. Talking about it isn't helping, we might as well try some violence." (zombies crash the party) Willow: "I was being sarcastic!" OZ: "The think the dead man's party's moved upstairs." Faith, Hope, & Trick OZ: "All right, prepare to uncouple... uncouple." Cordelia: "When did you become Martha Stewart?" Buffy: "First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto." Xander: "I don't believe she slays either." Oz: "Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to." Willow: "He wanted to ask you out last year, but you weren't ready then. But I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation. Or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like." Buffy: "..." Willow: "Oh, I didn't mean the bad thing with your mouth. I meant that little half-smile thing that you--. You're supposed to stop me when I do that." Oz: "I like when you do that." Willow: "Come on, Buffy. I mean, the guy is charm, and, and normal, which is what you wanted to get back to." Oz: "Plus bonus points for use of the word 'mosey'." OZ: "I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's a new Slayer in town." Oz: "Something occurring... Now, you both kill vamps, and who could blame you. But I'm wondering about your position on werewolves." Willow: "Oz is a werewolf." Buffy: "It's a long story." Oz: "I got bit." Buffy: "Apparently not that long." Faith: "Hey, as long as you don't go scratchin' at me or humpin' my leg, we're 5 by 5, you know." Beauty and the Beasts (also called "All Men are Beasts") Willow: "He was sounding the deeps of his nature, and the parts of his nature that were deeper than he, going back into the wombs of time. The rabbit could not..." Oz: (growls) Willow: "Okay, uh, maybe we should try a less stimulating passage." Xander: "Ah, "Call of the Wild." Aren't we reading the Cliff's Notes of this in English?" Willow: "Some of us are. Anyway, it'll help you stay awake. It's good, and very wolfy. It seems to sooth the savage beast. Except for the part about rabbits." Oz: (growls) Xander: "Rabbis?" Debbie: "Hi, Oz. Hey, you're not doing jazz band this year?" Oz: "Oh, can't take the pressure. It's not the music that's hard, it's the marching." Buffy: "We have a marching jazz band?" Oz: "Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats. Scary." Willow: "He's just being Oz." Oz: "Pretty much full-time." Debbie: "But I'm flunking senior bio, and my teacher says I have 'success issues.'" Oz: "Senior bio? I kind of aced that final." Willow: "And how did you do that? Oh, right, you showed up." Giles: "Right. It's good to see you. Um, no need to panic." Oz: "Just a thought: Poker, not your game." Giles: "We could ask Faith to watch over him." Oz: "What, you're having a Slayer watch me? Oh, good, we're not overreacting." Oz: "Okay, you know that thing where you bail in the middle of an upsetting conversation? I have to do that. It's kind of dramatic, I know, but... sometimes it's a necessary guy thing." Willow: "And I want you to do the guy thing, but..." Giles: "Clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal." Oz: "Present. Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable." Oz: "They used to horse around." Faith: "They were screwing?" Oz: "I don't think so, but he hid her music comp book once." Giles: "Faith, you and I team. Willow, stick with Buffy." Oz: "And I'll... go lock myself in the cage." Oz: "This is kind of a bad time." Pete: "Well, I guess you didn't think about that when you put the moves on Debbie." Oz: "We talked, yeah, but it was move-free." Oz: "I'm serious. Something's gonna happen that you probably won't believe... Or you might." OZ: "Time's up, rules change." Homecoming Scott: "I assumed that you would think it was corny or something. But I'm in, I mean, you know, if you are, if you want to." Buffy: "Sure. I do, you know, if you want to." Scott: "Well, I do if you want to." Oz: "The judges will accept that as a yes." Cordy: "I think we should get a limo." Xander: "A limo? A big, expensive limo?" Willow: "That sounds like fun. And it is our last homecoming dance, so maybe we should make a big deal of it." Xander: "You want to talk fun? Public bus. You meet the funnest people. Back me up here, Oz." Oz: "Well, if it's a dollar issue, we can all take my van." Cordy: "Van? The Homecoming Queen doesn't go to the dance in a van. Use your head." Xander: "Well, technically, you haven't been elected yet... although you certainly and without a doubt will be. Who else likes a limo?" Willow: "A private limo. It is pretty... cuddlesome." Xander: "She's my girlfriend." Willow: "It's just that, she needs it so much more than you do." Oz: "As Willow goes, so goes my nation." Willow: "They're going to announce the Queen. Where are they? What's keeping them?" Oz: "I'm gonna go with mud-wrestling." Band Candy Oz: "There's this whole trick to antonyms, but... this isn't the place." Willow: "Oz is the highest scoring person never to graduate!" Buffy: "Isn't she cute when she's proud?" Oz: "She's always cute." Xander: "Those tall, fuzzy hats aren't cheap, huh?" Oz: "But they go with everything." Oz: "Teenagers. That's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?" Willow: "It'll be okay when we get to Giles." Oz: "Of course. I mean, even if he's sixteen, he's still Giles, right? He's probably a pretty together guy." Willow: "Yeah, well..." Oz: "What?" Buffy: "Giles at sixteen? Less Together Guy, more Bad-Magic-Hates-the-World-Ticking-Time-Bomb Guy." Oz: "Well then, I guess your mom's in a lot of trouble." Buffy: "Something's weird." Oz: "Something's not." Buffy: "So, where are all the vampires? The soup's on, but noone's grabbing a spoon." Oz: "Something's happening. Someplace that's else." Buffy: "Go to the library and look it up." Oz: "Candy curses?" Willow: "Disturbing second childhood. Got it." Principal Snyder: "You look like four young people with too much time on your hands." Oz: "Not really." Revelations Willow: "I think it's great when two people like two people and want to be close to them instead of anyone else." Xander: "Hear, hear!" Oz: "Yeah, well-put." Willow: "A boyfriend? Why wouldn't she tell us?" Cordelia: "Excuse me? When your last steady killed half the class, and then your rebound guy sends you a dump-o-gram? It makes a girl shy." Xander: "But we're the best of Buffy's bestest buds. She'd tell us." Buffy: "Tell you what?" Willow: "About your new boyfriend, who we made up... unless we didn't?" Buffy: "This was a topic of discussion?" Oz: "Well, raised, but never discussed." Buffy: "What are you guys talking about?" Oz: "Oddly enough, your boyfriend. Again." Lovers Walk Oz: "I can see why you'd be upset." Willow: "..." Oz: "That was my sarcastic voice." Xander: "You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice." Oz: "I've been told that." Oz: "It's a gift." Willow: "What's the occasion?" Oz: "Pretty much you are." Oz: "Do you like it?" Willow: "I like. I more than like. Oz, this is probably the sweetest-- We have to find a little Pez werewolf, so little Pez witch can have a boyfriend." Oz: "I don't think they make a werewolf Pez. You might have to settle for a wacky cartoon dog." Willow: "This is... just so thoughtful." Oz: "Well, I think about you." Oz: (sniffs) "It's Willow. She's nearby." Cordelia: "What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume." Oz: "She's afraid." Cordelia: "Oh my God. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing." Oz: "I really agree." The Wish OZ: "So Cordelia wishes for something? Well, if it was a long healthy life, she should get her money back." Amends Oz: "Seeing you with Xander, it was... Well, I've never felt that way before. When it wasn't a full moon. But I know you guys have a history." Willow: "But it's a history that's in the past. Well, I--I guess most history's in the past." Oz: "I miss you... like, every second. It's like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso." OZ: "You ever have that dream where you're in that play and it's the middle of the play and you really don't know your lines and you kinda don't know the plot?" Willow: "Where are you going?" Oz: "No, I'm not going. Just a dramatic gesture." Willow: "Oz, I wanna' be with you... first." Oz: "I think we should sit down again." Oz: "I mean, you look great, you know, and you got the Barry working for you, and it's all... good." Gingerbread Xander: "What's with the grim? We're here to join you guys. No, really, why should you guys have all the fun? We want to be part of the hate." Oz: "Just so we're clear, you guys know you're nuts, right?" Buffy: "Did I get it? Did I get it?" (crash) Oz: "We're here to save you." Helpless Buffy: "I know you guys think it's just a big, dumb, girlie thing, but it's not. I mean, a lot of those skaters are Olympic medal winners. And every year, my dad buys me cotton candy and one of those souvenir programs that has all the pictures-- and okay, it's a big, dumb, girlie thing, but I love it." Oz: "It's not so girlie. Ice is cool. It's water, but it's not." Xander: "You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse, and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like, um, Slayer kryptonite." Oz: "Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills." Xander: "You're assuming I meant the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of his powers." Oz: "Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird..." Buffy: "Guys. Reality." Buffy: "You know, nothing's really going to change. The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of gut-wrenching misery and horror." Oz: "Bright side to everything." The Zeppo XANDER: "Is it hard to play guitar?" OZ: "Not the way I play it." Xander: "What do I have?" Oz: "An exciting new obsession. Which I feel makes you very special." Oz: "Oddly full today." Bad Girls Xander: "Is anyone else intimidated? Because I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words 'No Way' written in crayon." Oz: "They're typing those now." Buffy: "Early admission. Now there's nothing standing between you and a brilliant future." Oz: "Well, if I may suggest, graduate. Getting left back -- it's not the thrill ride you'd expect." Doppelgangland OZ: "Hey." WILLOW: "Oz, hi." OZ: "There's something about you that's causing me to hug you. It's like I have no will of my own." Willow: "You think I'm boring." Oz: "I'd call that a radical interpretation of the text." Alfonse: "Nobody cause any trouble or try to leave... and nobody gets hurt." Angel: "Why don't I believe him?" Oz: "Well, he lacks credibility." Oz: "Willow. You don't want to do this." Willow: "I don't? But I'm so good at it." Enemies Willow: "Wow. Like father, like son." Oz: "How about like exact same guy, like exact same guy?" Earshot Giles: "It's not the ritual flaying of the demon Azareth, nor the, um... I don't know what's going to happen." Oz: "That was sort of an anti-climax." Buffy: "Is it me, or is this really lame?" Oz: "I don't know -- I usually enjoy lame, but this is leaving me kinda cold." Willow: "The school paper is edging on depressing lately. Have you guys noticed that?" Oz: "I don't know. I always go straight to the obits." Xander: "Oh my God, he's looking at her! He's got his filthy, adult, Pierce-Brosny eyes all over my Cordy." Oz: "You're a very complex man, aren't you?" Oz: "It was intense." Xander: "Yeah, for a minute there, I thought you were going to make an expression." Oz: "Well, I felt one coming on, I won't lie." ***OZ: "I am my own thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me therefore she becomes me. If Buffy can read my thoughts I cease to exist. Hmph."*** Oz: "No one else exists, either. Buffy is all of us. We think, therefore she is." OZ: "If you don't need me, I'm going to follow the red head." Xander: "I'm still having trouble with the fact that one of us is just going to gun everybody down for no reason." Cordelia: "Yeah, because that never happens in American high schools." Oz: "It's bordering on trendy at this point." Oz: "'Dingoes Ate My Baby played their instruments as if they had plump polish sausages taped to their fingers.'" Freddie: "Sorry, man." Oz: "No, it's fair." OZ: "Oh, I like you giddy. Always have. " OZ:"Get away from the cage." Choices Buffy: "But you - I can't believe you got into Oxford!" Willow: "It's pretty exciting." Oz: "There's some deep academia there." Buffy: "That's where they make Gileses!" Willow: "I know. I could learn, and have scones." Xander: "Kerouac. He's my teacher. The open road, my school." Buffy: "Making the open dumpster your cafeteria?" Xander: "Go ahead, mock me." Oz: "I think she just did." Xander: "We bohemian, anti-establishment types have always been persecuted." Oz: "Well, sure, you're all so weird." Oz: "See, there's you, there's me." Xander: "Well, how can you tell which is which? I mean, they both kind of look stick-figurey to me." Oz: "Well, this one's me. See the little guitar?" Oz: "Okay... toad me." The Prom Wesley: "Let me guess. He was quiet, kept to himself, but always seemed like a nice young man." Oz: "Well, he didn't seem the murderous type, anyway." OZ: "Once again, the Hellmouth puts the special in special occasion." Oz: "Everything cool?" Buffy: "Coolest. Devil dogs are history. How's the prom?" Oz: "Strangely affecting. I got all teared up when they played 'We Are Family'." Graduation Day, Pt 1 Willow: "Oh, this is frustrating." Oz: "Nothing useful?" Willow: "No, it's great... if we want to make ferns invisible, or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here." Oz: "Our lives are different than other people's." Oz: "You think I don't care?" Willow: "I think we could be dead in two days time, and you're being ironic detachment guy." Oz: "Would it help you if I panicked?" Willow: "Yes! It'd be swell." Willow: "I feel different, you know? But I guess that makes sense. Do you feel different? Oh, no, you've already... Probably no big change for you. It was nice. Was it nice? Should this be a quiet moment?" Oz: "I know exactly what you mean." Willow: "Which part?" Oz: "Everything feels different." Graduation Day, Pt 2 Oz: "Any change?" Willow: "He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy." Oz: "You, too, huh?" Buffy: "Is Angel here?" Oz: "He had to go. Got kinda sunny." Cordelia: "I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan." Oz: "We attack the Mayor with hummus." Cordelia: "I stand corrected." Oz: "Just keeping things in perspective." Oz: "Are you nervous?" Willow: "Only in a terrified way." Oz: "We're gonna make it through this." Willow: "Are you sure?" Oz: "I sound pretty sure, don't I?" Willow: "Yeah." Oz: "Well, then I must be sure." Willow: "Is that just a comforting way of not answering the question?" Oz: "Guys, take a moment to deal with this. We survived." Buffy: "It was a hell of a battle." Oz: "Not the battle. High School." Oz: "We're taking a moment.... and we're done." Season 4 The Freshman Willow: "How can you be so calm?" Oz: "Long, arduous hours of practice." XANDER:"Do we hug?" OZ:"I think we're too manly."

Scotty's Austin Power's Quotes Austin Powers 1 Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers Scott Evil: What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him? Dr. Evil: I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death. [Dr. Evil has left Austin and Vanessa to their doom. ] Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away! Dr. Evil: No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. ...What? Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet. Dr. Evil: An evil vet? Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo. Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo? Scott Evil: You always do that! Scott Evil: I don't think he likes me. I think he wants to kill me. Therapist: He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that. Dr. Evil: No actually the boy is very astute. I really do want to kill him but so far unsuccessfully, he's quite wiley like his old man. Scott: Hey dad, can I bring my sega? (Austin grabs Scott.) Austin: Stop or I'll shoot him ! Dr.Evil : Kill the little bastard, see what I care . Scott: But, dad, I thought we made a breakthrough in group ! Dr.Evil: I had them liquidated you little shit ! They were insolent . Scott : I hate you !!! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab !!! Dr.Evil: Oh Scott, it hurts Daddy when you say that honestly . Dr.Evil: Don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living ? Scott: Blow me . Dr.Evil: What did you say ? Scott: Er, Show me . Scott: Why don't you just shoot them now? I mean, I'll go get a gun, we'll shoot them together. It'll be fun. Bang. Dead. Done. Dr. Evil: One more peep out of you and you are grounded Mister and I am not joking. Dr. Evil: How was your day? Scott: Well, my friend, Sweet Jay, took me to that video arcade in town, right. And they don't speak english there so Jay got into a fight and he's all, 'Hey stop hasselling me cause I don't speak french or whatever.' And then the guy says something in Paris talk and I'm like, 'Just back off!' and they're all, 'Get out!' and we're like, 'Make me!' It was cool. Dr. Evil: Hello, Scott. Scott: Hi. Dr. Evil: I'm your father, Dr. Evil. Scott: I haven't seen you my whole life and now you come back and just expect a relationship? Hmph. I hate you. Scott Evil: It's no hassle-- Dr. Evil: Shhh! Scott: But-- Dr. Evil: Shhh! Scott: I'm-- Dr. Evil: Shhh! Scott: All I'm say-- Dr. Evil: Shhh! Scott: They're gonna get a-- Dr. Evil: Shhh! Scott: I'm-- Dr. Evil: Shhh! Scott: I'm just-- Dr. Evil: Shhh! Scott: Would-- Dr. Evil: Shhh... Knock knock Scott: Who's there? Dr. Evil: Shhh! Scott: but-- Dr. Evil: Let me tell you a little story about a man named shhh! shhh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive shh! Austin Powers 2 Dr.Evil: --Turning the moon into what I like to call a 'death star' . (Scott snickers ) Dr.Evil: What ? Scott: Ah, nothing, Darth . Dr.Evil: What did you call me ? Scott: Nothing. (Pretends to sneeze.) Rip-Off !!! Dr.Evil: (Unsure) Bless you . Anyway, since this laser was invented by the noted Cambridge pysicist Dr.Parsons, I shall call it 'The Alan Pasons Project'. (Scott snickers again.) Scott: The Alan Parsons Project was a progressive rock band from 1982. Why don't you just name it Operation Wang Chung, ass? Dr.Evil: Why make a Trillions, when we can make (snap zoom) billions ? (Dr.Evil looks around smugly.) Scott: A trillion is more than a bilion, numb-nuts . Dr.Evil: Show me the money ! You know, Kwan ?Show me the money ? No ? Nothing ? Scott: It's 1969. Jerry Maguire won't come out for another 30 years. They don't know what you're talking about, Ass. Jerry: Let's bring out Scotts father, Dr.Evil. Dr.Evil: Hello, Scott. I'm back. Scott: I can't believe you'd do this to me on National telelvision! Dr.Evil: They offered me a free makeover. Jerry: Dr.Evil, we've seen a lot of fathers today open up to their sons . Is there anything you'd like to share ? Dr.Evil: Share? Jerry: Yes, don't you have any secrets ? Dr.Evil: Ok, I have a vestigal tail. (Every one is a little grossed out.) DR. EVIL: It's more of a nub, really. The spine just goes on a little longer than it should. Also, I've dabbled. I mean, perform fellatio once and you're a poet, twice and you're a homosexual. I remember once I was being fisted by Sebastian Cabot- but here's where the story gets interesting. He was lactose-intolerant. He could eat red meat all night long, but one sip of milk and it was gastric hell. And I remember we were caught in fragrance delicto by Henry Kissinger, and you can imagine my humiliation at having Hank hear me say, "Mr. French, no teeth." One of my greatest disappointments is that I never became a song and dance man. I could have been a quadruple threat, kind of like a despotic Ken Barry. Dancer, singer, actor, and I would possess nuclear weapons, the latter being the most threatening of the four. I once sat on a bus and tried to will myself a menstrual cycle. All I ended up with was a sense of failure and a mild neuralgia in my incisor teeth and perhaps a grudging respect for the weaker sex. I love toe cleavage. For the most part I distrust dogs. I slept in a horse once. It was quite roomy. On second thought, it was the Ritz. I named my left testicle 'piss' and my right testicle 'vinegar'. I wrote "It's Raining Men", or so the Christmas babies told me. Oh yes, I also made a Marzipan voodoo effigy of The Fonze while I was in coma after smoking some Peruvian prayer hash, but who at the end of the day can honestly say they haven't done that? Scott Evil: If you've got a time machine, why don't you just go back and kill Austin Powers when he's sitting on the crapper or something? [Dr. Evil: No, no, no.] [Dr. Evil: As you know, every diabolical scheme I've hatched has been thwarted by Austin Powers. And what is that, ladies and gentlemen?] Scott: because you never killed him when you got the chance, and you're a dope?